the further dissection of the citizen's psyche

i think the reason i am disappointed in this day, is that i was expecting more conclusions. i am increasingly becoming more dependant on closure and resolutions, as a way to mark time, but also in a reinvention/ reanimation sense. for me inspiration springs from challenges and new situations. (which brings its own sets of turmoil and anxiety, yet forces one to think discordantly, which is in effect growth. and in my hyperkinetic mind, i want a lot of things to end just as soon as they've begun, just for the sake of having the cache of experience.)

today's lesson is based on what we will be calling the double-entendre of the word agitate. in the one sense, to be agitated would imply that one is on-edge, aggravated maybe even hostile. and truth be told that's how i feel presently. with the conclusion of the play coupled with finally finishing a book i've been reading on and off since last august as well as wanting to find a new job, i feel like everything came to a crechendo over the weekend. yet here i am back on monday, looking at puddles of stale dog piss being soaked up by one of my employers t-shirts. very anti-climatic. if not discouraging.

when you finish one thing, you almost half-expect everything else to conclude as well.

but in the greater- albeit more scientific- sense, agitate means to shake, mix and otherwise churn a liquid or chemical compound (at right, agitating a film tank). and right now that's what i'm looking for. for the great scientist-as-prime-mover to put me in the washing machine of happenstance then hang me out to dry. soak away the bullshit, leave the substance and let the air flow through my fibres.

a more positive post will arrive tomorrow. chalk this up to postpartum depression. and to think i started out wanting to bitch about something else.